Reflections:

I haven't been blogging for quite a while. I used to be a pro at this, but I think I've gotten rusty. Luckily, talking about yourself is easy once you've tapped back into your narcissism... There it is. Ah yes.

I've had a very long and difficult year. I would like to think that I grew up a lot, but self-growth is too subjective to ascertain. I surprised myself by turning into my mom, which is better than turning into my dad (which is what I assumed always would happen, but didn't.) (I love my dad though.)

It's been almost a year since Uncle Peter died. It will be a year in ten more days. This was, without question, the hardest thing I've ever had to accept in my life. (I know I've been blessed.) The death of a close family member is very difficult to come to terms with, because you have to accept that, that particular person's role in your life is over. No more Uncle Peter. He is gone forever.

Without getting too detailed, he died from a fall, which made me think that the only justice in life is its brutal randomness.

So I did what my mom would have done, which was everything. I worked, and worked, and stacked on the classes. Then I took classes. I also visited my parents and my grandparents as much as I could. Consequently, I didn't do anything well, but I did everything well enough, and now the semester is almost over, except for a few malingering students.

Ugh, I wish I could go back to the days of forgetting that my teachers were people, and holding them to ridiculous standards. It's funny how everyone thinks they know how to teach, but when you ask them to give a 3 minute presentation they shit themselves. I suppose part of the professionalism of teaching is in that, your students aren't supposed to know you're struggling. I do pride myself on never having yelled at anyone, but they wear me thin sometimes.

At the end of the semester at UNT, a lot of my students told me they enjoyed my class, and thanked me. Like.... 25% of them, which is phenomenal, and makes me feel like less of a failure, especially since in the whole grand scheme of things, they are the people for whom I am responsible... not my bosses with their weird rules...Seriously weird rules. I'm not just saying that to be petulant, but I break rules all the time, without ever knowing they exist. Per example-- at one university they want us to turn in burned c.d.'s with the student's work to the administrative assistant. Never had a request like that before. Call me crazy, bonkers, but I had my students hand in printed sheets of paper in an actual folder, so I could make actual comments on them, with an actual pen, and not have to stare at a computer screen for 8 hours at a time. I can't grade on the computer... The computer is reserved for facebook, photobombs, and fail blog.

Alright, then. I'm going to start my day now, with a nap. Good morning and good night.